Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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