I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
