Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
