There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
