tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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