And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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