the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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