This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
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I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
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She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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