Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
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Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
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He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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