That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
