4 words: hood of his car
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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