Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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