I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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