I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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