doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
