this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
