if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
