last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
