People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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