Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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