i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
MIDGETS
????
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
