I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i think i have two assholes
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
