yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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