he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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