he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
