Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
