Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
