Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
