i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
