I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
