I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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