This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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