What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
