my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
