I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
