the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
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All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
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Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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