if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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