we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
