im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
