Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
