I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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