I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
