WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
