apparently the secret to your success is patron
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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