Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
