I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
