did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
