I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
