My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
