get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
