I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
