There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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