ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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