I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
