soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
