i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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