There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
BRING THE BAGELS
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
