im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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