I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
