I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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