Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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