Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
