no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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