I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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