My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
