I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I cockslap morals
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
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