thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
