Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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