Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
