maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
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