i just google imaged poop.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
